


And Lonliness is Best Realized Over a Hot Cup of Reality

by bitsukki



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Character Development, Introspection, It doesn't exist, Other, Yikes @ me, like at all, not tcc compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-08-20 13:15:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8250403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitsukki/pseuds/bitsukki
Summary: “You’re such an ass, Malfoy. No wonder you’ve got no friends.”It wasn’t something that Scorpius really had understood until the words were being flung in his direction. They were sharp and intended to hurt, but that’s something that he’d dealt with before. It was something he’d built a resistance to, usually able to simply shrug off insults and underhanded commentary like rain rolling off an impervius’d coat. But there was something about that day that had put him on edge, made the walls he’d built a little softer.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ABOUT THIS THING I WROTE HERE:
> 
> It's not only NOT compliant with Cursed Child, but it was written well before TCC was even announced as something that was going to exist. It was written originally as a character development piece for my characterization of Scorpius Malfoy, who is an angry little loner boy living in a world were people were Not Nice to Malfoys when he was a kid especially, and he took it very personally. This is set in his sixth year at Hogwarts, where he is captain of the Slytherin quidditch team, near the top of most of his classes, and as angry and lonely as ever.

It wasn’t something that Scorpius really had understood until the words were being flung in his direction. They were sharp and intended to hurt, but that’s something that he’d dealt with before. It was something he’d built a resistance to, usually able to simply shrug off insults and underhanded commentary like rain rolling off an impervius’d coat. But there was something about that day that had put him on edge, made the walls he’d built a little softer.

Maybe it was the crick in his neck when he’d woken up that still ached hours later. Maybe it was the essay he’d received in his first class with criticism of his writing. Maybe it was the dream he’d had the night before, the one he couldn’t remember but had left a heavy feeling in his heart. Maybe it was all of it, mixed together and baked into an angry, red reason. But something… something about the day that made him snap, turning to glare at her and spit out an angry “ _Watch where you’re going, idiot_.” when he had run into somebody on his way to class, instead of simply brushing it off and continuing on his way.

But it turned out that she wasn’t like the majority of the students that had been on the receiving end of his off days. She didn’t just run off, away from the angry energy that was rolling off of him in tangible waves. Instead she stayed for a moment, returning his glare with a ferocity that had the potential to one day rival his mother’s own.

“You’re such an ass, Malfoy. No wonder you’ve got no friends.”

And with that she marched away, towards the small group of girls waiting for her at the top of the staircase with worried looks on their faces. But Scorpius didn’t pay them any attention. He didn’t really notice them at all, too stuck in place and in his mind to see them leave. There was something about that day that had made him vulnerable to the words thrown back at him, unprepared for how harshly they could land. And they’d left him rooted to the spot where he stood, mind racing even as the staircase began to shift to a new direction.

                _No wonder you’ve got no friends_

He knew this, had always known that he didn’t have anybody that he could claim to have that kind of relationship with. He’d never had somebody like that, and he had never really stopped to let himself think about it. It was simply easier that way. If people didn’t want to be friends with him that was their loss. If people didn’t want to be friends with him, that wasn’t an issue for him to worry about; he didn’t want to be friends with most of them either. He had no patience for people and all of their stupidity and unnecessary focus on trivial matters.

At least, that’s what he’d told himself. That’s what he told himself as he sat alone at breakfast, reading while he ate. That’s what he told himself when nobody spoke to him on the train to school, even when they were forced to share the same carriage. That’s what he told himself when after team practice, the other Slytherins would go off in pairs to the common room, or in groups to the Great Hall, leaving him to pack up the last of the practice equipment in silence.

Those were the types of things, excuses he now realized with a painful breath, that he had been telling himself since he was a child and even the children of his parents’ friends didn’t seem too eager to play with him. When they would run off to play quidditch on their kiddie brooms without telling him, he would tell himself that they hadn’t been able to find him because they weren’t smart enough to know where to look. When they include him the conversations only when the adults were within earshot, he said that he wasn’t interested in the ridiculous things they talked about anyway. When he made excuses, if he told himself that they were the problem.

                _No wonder you’ve got no friends_

Scorpius was unsure exactly how long he stood there for, but by the time he realized what he’d been doing, he was already very late to class. Late enough that he decided to go back to the common room instead. It was strange, how this revelation made him want to be alone. But now, in the back of him mind he could no longer stop the voice that whispered, _you don’t have a choice_.

He wanted a choice. He wanted to have the choice of talking to somebody about things that were plaguing him, or even just to complain to about ridiculous homework assignments. He had always told himself that it had been his choice to be alone, but suddenly he couldn’t stop flood of thoughts telling him that he had been wrong for a very long time. For years now, he had been alone because he had pushed everybody away, because he had convinced himself that they wouldn’t give him a chance so it was better for him to make that choice for them. Because then at least it would be _his_ choice.

It really was no wonder because, he thought as he sat down on his bed with a heavy heart and knots in his stomach, it was obvious that he had nobody to blame for his being alone but himself.


	2. Chapter 2

He had decide to go flying because it was cold. It was cold, and the air was heavy with the rain that was going to roll over the castle in the next few days, as sure as the sun would set that night. There were no better conditions for flying, in his opinion. There was no other time where zipping weightlessly through the air would make a person feel as alive as it did when the wind bit at your fingertips and stung your cheeks. No nerve ending could be ignored then.

No better time was there for him to _think_.

But when he touched back down on the ground, he couldn’t help but swear. Normally flying helped him calm down, helped ease the muscles in his shoulders and let him throw off his anger or stress as he looped around the pitch. Being the Slytherin captain helped as well. Nobody questioned him out here, up in the air with a Quaffle in his arms and nothing but a broom between him and the ground. It was, perhaps, the only place any of his peers respected him. The pitch was his best friend, the only witness to all of his feelings and weaknesses.

But not today.

Not even as he had pushed himself to fly higher than he’d almost ever flown had helped. Not today when the weight of his peer’s gazes felt like a crushing, suffocating weight on his chest. When all of the realization that he’d so desperately pushed away had finally forced their way through his mind’s defenses.

Even flying didn’t help today, where the air felt bitter and harsh rather than cold and liberating. When he could taste the negativity on every breath as it crawled down his throat.

It was like a demon, screaming in his chest in a language he couldn’t understand. But somehow he knew, he knew it was screaming all of his insecurities and fears at him, threatening to display them all for the world to see. He wanted to swallow them down, bury them deep enough that they would never be able to bubble back up. But he couldn’t. He _couldn’t_.

He felt like he was unraveling, like the universe had decided that it was time for somebody to witness his weaknesses and that he had no say in the matter. Whether he wanted it or not, he was bound to show the world that for all of his fronts, he was  _lonely_. For all of the apathy that he swallowed to spit back at other people, he actually cared. He cared so much that it was eating him alive, from the inside out.

And he knew that he was the problem, that he cared, after everything that he had said and done to tell the world otherwise. He couldn’t help but remind himself of this newfound, ugly, and unwanted revelation as he tore off his practice gloves and marched his way towards the broom shed. The thoughts he had worked so hard to ignore now lingered on his mind like a bad taste that no amount of water could wash away. It echoed at him, unhelpful and only good for driving his blood pressure higher. He was the problem, but he didn’t know how to fix that.

_How are you supposed to fix a problem when the problem is who you are? How are you supposed to change when you don’t know how to be any other way? When you’ve spent your entire living memory building a road, and you were suddenly slapped in the face with plans saying that you went the wrong direction._

What do you do then?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will I ever add more to this? Will my angry boy every be happy? The world may never know...

**Author's Note:**

> come hmu @ scorbus.tumblr.com for screaming about hp 2nd gen kiddos, if you're interested in that kinda thing.


End file.
